Failure…

I was talking about this with someone last year, and they pointed out we are never taught to fail… Or maybe I should word that as – how to deal with failure. I know this may sound like an odd concept. But our wholes lives we strive to achieve greatness and to avoid failing at anything. Even the little things. When we are young our school, church and family environments strive to give us opportunities to always succeed.

However at some stage in life we will fail. But how are we meant to deal with this if our whole lives it is something we have avoided? Does this drive for success make failing out to be something far worse than what it actually is? and our reaction to it far greater or worse than what it need to be?

There are those that you could consider being ‘high achievers’ that succeed at everything, I think it’s these people, especially the boys that need to experience failure. Then there are others who throw around the words failure and fail so easily and often, and it’s its these people as much as they say those words, really aren’t failing. Perhaps just not living up to this idea they have of what they think they need to reach in order not to fail. Is it really failure when we don’t achieve what we wanted to in a day? Is it really failure when we didn’t get all the cleaning or washing done?

What is true failure though? Is it still failure just because it isn’t ‘perfect’ or to the standards we expect?

I’ve come to the conclusion that failure is not reaching the expectations we or society puts on things.. Dictionaries say it’s the opposite of success, but isn’t success also a measure that we set? ( I had forgotten I have previously written on Success). Do we have to do certain things to be a good mother or wife… We have to achieve certain things to be a good house keeper… We have to have so much money.. Look a certain way… act a certain way… Who is it that sets the standards that we have to met to be a good and successful wife anyway?

But I still want to question if this is actually failing? I mean, I would say there are things in my life that I could have done better or differently and days I didn’t achieve what I wanted. But I don’t think there is anything that I would say I actually failed at… Even if my marks may have said I did, I don’t feel like a failure, sure I could have done better…

Whatever failure is, I think it is ok not to meet you’re own or others expectations sometimes…
Doesn’t mean you failed or are a failure!

 

Broken & Beautiful…

“There’s a businessman, there’s a widowed wife,
a smiling face with a shattered life.
There’s a teenage girl with a choice to make,
it’s crowded here in church today.”

In the words of Broken and Beautiful by Mark Schultz, our churches are full of broken and breaking people every week.

The father, who seems to be a great guy, happy to help anyone with anything at any time, but is struggling to keep together a failing marriage and a dysfunctional family. A mum, who makes her family appear to have it all together when they are out and about, but at home is battling depression, with no motivation to do or be what her family needs. A smile and the words “I’m good” or “Fine thanks” hides a teenage girl’s emotional abuse or loneliness. A grin and the carefree easygoing attitude of a teenage boy hides his addiction to porn and his battle with fitting in at school.

Just four examples of people who could be sitting in our pews week after week. Do we notice? Are we willing to accept their brokenness?

Or have we unintentionally created an environment in which we can’t be seen as imperfect? In which we turn a blind eye to another person’s struggles, or struggle to admit to problems of our own, because we have it all together… after all, we are Christians, and God blesses and guides us… right?

Remember when Jesus said

“How blind can you be? First clean the inside of your cup and in the process the outside of your cup will become clean as well. At present your lives are hopeless. You’re like whitewashed tombs which are beautiful on top of the ground, but down inside, they’re full of dead men’s bones. On the outside you appear righteous, but inside…” Matt 23: 26-28 ClearWord

Have we become like these Pharisees, in a different way perhaps, but still largely concerned with our outward appearance? We have all the right words and actions but have we neglected to look at our heart, at the hearts of those around us, at the part of us that God looks at?

Very few of us would have a problem telling God about our difficulties and hardships, but what is it that makes it so much harder to tell other people? I think God wants us to do more than tell Him our problems. Why do so many people need counselling sessions if talking about our issues didn’t help us deal with them? God created us that way.

See what James said in chapter 5 verse 16.

“Admit your faults to each other and confess your sins to God. Pray for each other and if it’s God’s will the sick among you will be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous person has tremendous power.” (ClearWord)

Admit our faults… admit the things in our lives that are not going right…

And besides, when we tell God, no one else has to know, we can still keep up that appearance, can’t we?

But our inner conflicts and turmoils will begin to show on the outside eventually: a bad marriage will be written on the faces of the couple; a depressed smile is just not the same; and the expression and body language accompanying “I’m fine” will not always correspond with the words. Prayer and thought can help us become attuned to the hearts of those around us and allow them to build up the courage to tell us they are not fine… they do not have it all together… they are an inner mess.

“Hold on,” I can hear you think, “God is the one who sees our heart, shouldn’t that be all we are concerned about?” Yes, God knows every thought we have, He sees every action we perform and knows what we are going to say before we say it. And He knows the condition of our hearts and why we maintain the outward appearance that we do.

Yet knowing all this, don’t we sometimes forget: would we be treating our families the way we do if Jesus was at our dining table; would we still look at the things we are looking at if Jesus was physical by our side?

Sharing our problems with others gives us accountability – we have to make that change we want to make, that God has impressed us to make, because the person we told may ask how it is going. Sharing our problems with others removes isolation – it is so comforting and strengthening to know that what you are experiencing is, although painful, common; that others are or have been there too. And sometimes, being that one person who stands up and admits that they do not “have it all together” is the catalyst that opens the floodgates, enabling others to come forward in the realization that they are not the only ones.

We are all, to some extent, keeping up an appearance to hide our brokenness. And yet, if we were able to breach this barrier, we would enable each other to be Christ’s hands and feet, and help heal the brokenness.

We are all beautiful in God’s eyes – He created us, He died for us, He loves us that much. Because of sin, we are all broken but it makes us no less lovely to our Heavenly Father. And this brokenness gives us all the opportunity to be His hands, His feet, to care for and serve each other. To look for chinks in the façade – chinks we recognise because we have them too – and offer a listening ear. To be brave enough to accept the blind, lame, accused, broken and the outcast, within our own churches, as Jesus did during His ministry.

So let down your barrier, and look past the facade of the person sitting next to you in church and look into their broken, but beautiful heart.

This was published in the August 2012 IntraVic, view issue here - PDF. 

 

Good Christian Bitches…

Controversial title? Some may be aware that this was actually an American comedy/drama TV series. Good Christians Bitches is what it was titled in America, it was then changed to Good Christian Belles, when it aired in Australia it was titled GCB. So, I can admit I watched it. I never did work out what GCB was an acronym for till toward the end of the season, however I never gave it much thought. But when I found out, I thought the title was absolutely perfect! You can read the overview of the show that wikipedia gives. I am not saying that it is only applicable for females, we could just as easily have a show titled GCB, Good Christian Bastards, men as just as much a part of this.

Now I guess to some people, by watching this I may have lost some of their respect. So why did I watch it? Well because it sums up our churches perfectly, better yet it showed exactly how other people see us, the church. It was hilarious, yet challenging to watch from that perspective. Now I’m sure that most of our churches aren’t filled with so much drama. But I am also sure we have people or couples that are represented in the show, or in the essence of the show, some so-called Christians that are sometimes less Christlike than those who will proudly say they are not christian.

For many outside the church, they can’t see the difference between those who are in the church and those who are not. Many in the church lead lives that are hypocritical, we proclaim to have christian beliefs, values and morals yet we don’t live by these standards. People or our church as a whole think we have it together, we don’t drink, smoke, drugs, etc.. Yet we gossip, start and spread rumours, cheat on our wives and husbands, swear and judge, just to name a few. How is that different in those not in the Church? That’s right, there is no difference!

In facts its worse, we are the ones who ‘claim’ we don’t do these things yet we are, at least those who aren’t in the Church are living what they say they are.

You can’t tell me it doesn’t happen. I have been judged. I have had rumors started and spread about me. It can’t be denied our Churches really aren’t any better than the rest of the world, despite what we might think.

I personally think its time for all Church members to realises, fully believe and understand that being in church does not make you a christian. Being a pastor doesn’t make you any better than the rest of the world. Being an elder doesn’t make you any better than other church officers. Even more, holding any position in a church makes you no better than anyone else in the church. I don’t know how many times we quote scripture on how we are equal within the Church, but we don’t act like we are equal.

So stop for a moment, and consider how your behaviour is being observed by those who aren’t in the Church, are you just being a Good Christian Bitch or a Good Christian Bastard?

“The World Doesn’t Read The Bible… They Read Christians…
What Are Your Actions Saying?” 

 

 

My Place In The World…

Sometimes I think to myself I feel like I’ve found my place in the world, I know what I’m doing, what I’m here for, where I’m going and who I am… Then at other times I feel like I’m standing still in this massive crowd rushing around me. I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, where I’m going and what I’m here for. It feels like no one would notice if I just disappeared. As if my disappearance wouldn’t impact the world, as if what I have to offer isn’t really all that much. It is a big world after all.

But then I question myself, am I thinking about it all to deeply? I mean do others question what they are here for, if they are where they are meant to be? Am I the only one the questions my place in the world? It’s not something that has ever come up in conversation, is it something that we all question and deal with individually?

“…Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world…”
Michael W. Smith

 

Second Chances…

I have thought about this a number of times over the years, how do you get a second chance?

As I go through life one of the things I am always telling myself when I am hurt by people, is that it is people who are hurting that hurt other people. Often we don’t know what is going on in their life but if they are hurting us it is more than likely why they are hurting us. Maybe it is just a way that I can rationalise and deal with hurt in my mind.

When I think back on my life there is one big thing that I would like a second chance at. But it’s not easily possible. Why? Because I was a hurting person who in the process of life, hurt people. I was not in a position to  notice it at the time and even when later in life it was pointed out to me I was still hurting so much that I couldn’t change it. I wish that I had only been hurting for a short period of time, but it was most of my life, up until I was about 18 years old. It is only now at almost 21 years old that I am actually in a place where I am ready to try undo the hurt.

It is more than a second chance, in many situations I almost have to change parts of who I am. In my hurt I have developed personality traits and defence mechanisms that will need to be put aside. I know that at times it will be uncomfortable and unnatural. It may be too late for a second chance to end the way it could have the first time, but I don’t think it could end worse than what it is now.

We can never fully understand what people are dealing with in their lives, and people can never fully understand what we are dealing with. We all have different experiences, sensitivities, personalities, perceptions and perspectives. Maybe there is someone in your life who perhaps you should offer a second chance to? Maybe it’s time that you chase up a second chance or something you should try to end differently to how it ended the first time?

 

 

Possibility…

I am wondering, is it better to live with the hope and possibility of something happening or knowing that it’s not a possibility?  Yet it is in taking the risk of finding out that it could not be a possibility that you may also find out that in reality it might actually be possible…

I know everyone says live each day as if it’s your last, seize every opportunity and all that stuff.. But I still can’t decide… To find out it isn’t a possibility could mean doing something you may regret, so is it worth finding out? Would it be easier to live with the regret of finding out that it’s not possible or the regret of never finding out if it was at all a possibility?

“I suffer from girlnextdooritis where the guy is friends with you and that’s it.”
Taylor Swift

 

Time To Take Responsibility..?

I began writing this entry many months ago! But I began thinking about it again after the recent issue arose of the young Indian lady who was attacked in India. If you are unaware of the case you can read more about it Yahoo or BBC. The issue that got my attention was the idea that arising out of this attack it has been suggested that school girls should now be taught self-defence in India (Read more here). This suggestion is not something new, after the attack on Jill Meagher in Melbourne last year it was also suggested that women learn self-defence, and there was an increase in attendance at self-defence classes.

Keep all this in mind as I go back to what I originally started writing.

Interestingly, this was played in church back when I started writing this entry.

It brought out mixed reactions with in the Church. For me it go my mind running at a million miles an hour!

Don’t get me wrong some girls need to be told about how guys minds work and how they dress and act is not always the most appropriate, even within churches. However I believe there is a time and a place to talk to women about this topic, it’s something that comes once you have a relationship, you can talk one-on-one. In a church is not the place, in small groups, women’s ministries is more appropriate.

There is a simple equations. Non-existant Dads + Daughters = Girls who flaunt their bodies to get male attention. So as much as this clip is saying that girls need to think about how they dress and act, I would like to suggest that Dads need to think about the kind of Dads they are to their daughters. If more fathers could see this link then perhaps we would see less girls like this. We might see more fathers stepping up and more males stepping up to be father figures in the lives of girls who don’t have this biological dad around or if he isn’t doing the job that he is meant to be doing. Looking at a previous blog that I posted I presented you with the stats of the impact that fathers have in the lives of their children, male or female. Fathers or fathers figures need to be present! This video appears to put it all back on girl, and not put anything back on the guys. I don’t think this is fair.

Now remember what I presented at the beginning of this entry? Can you see the link?

It it being put back on women. We are expected to learn self-defence to protect ourselves from guys raping and killing us. We are expected to dress to protect ourselves from guys, and their minds. Is this fair? Should any of the responsibility be placed on the guys? I think it should be.

I decided to get some other views on this topic From Dave Edgren ”Humans have the freedom of choice. If a guy doesn’t want to look at a woman, look away. Although, this just creates a person (by repeatedly looking away) who runs away from anything they don’t understand or agree with. The option I took, some time ago, was to see the beauty of Creation standing before me and thank God for making such beauty and for creating me to have a mind able to appreciate such beauty. I really don’t think a guy needs to think “SEX!” every time they see skin. What are we, goldfish with a three-second memory and intelligence to match? Make a repeated choice to think, “God is amazing! His creativity and power are unbelievable!” It will change the way you see not just women, but the entire world around you. I think the same thing in nature when I see the beauty of a waterfall, the power of a storm or the frailty of a flower. God is amazing and His works are of unmatched glory. Women are beautiful. God made it that way. I’m grateful. Amen!”

It seems that society is placing all the responsibility in our hands. It has taken more than a single man or woman to create this attitude and it will take more than a single man or woman to change it. I don’t have a problem with girls learning self-defence or dressing more appropriately, but I do have a problem with it being done because guys can’t/won’t take some responsibility.

 

No offense indented! Just a laugh!