This is something that I have been thinking about for a while, but finally decided it needed to be posted, in fact, its taken me over a month to write this and have had a number of people proof read it.
As christians there are things, that in a way, have been taken away from us purely because of the way secular society use or portray them, such as dancing, some music / instruments, but one of the most significant is sex. They become things that we don’t use, do or talk about. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly believe that there are things as christians we shouldn’t get involved in.
I think it is important to point out that what is written in here is just my opinion and I have no doubt it will differ from other peoples opinions on the same topic, and it is not my intentions to offend anyone.
Society has taken sex away form Christians, it’s now a taboo topic that is not freely talked about either in our homes or churches, and anything related to it is also avoided. This really frustrate’s me! Why? For so many reasons…
I understand there is a time and a place for it to be talked about, but to be honest I don’t think we make those times and places and when they are there we just avoid them. We have statistics like these in our churches but are we doing anything? These are American statistics, I can’t find any for Australia, but I have no doubt that Australian statistics would be similar.
- In a survey of over 500 Christian men at a men’s retreat, over 90% admitted that they were feeling disconnected from God because lust, porn, or fantasy had gained a foothold in their lives.
- 47% percent of families said pornography is a problem in their home. Focus on the Family Poll, October 1, 2003.
- In March of 2002 Rick Warren’s (author of the Purpose Driven life) Pastors.com website conducted a survey on porn use of 1351 pastors: 54% of the pastors had viewed Internet pornography within the last year, and 30% of these had visited within the last 30 days.
- August 7, 2006: 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography. 60% of the women who answered the survey admitted to having significant struggles with lust; 40% admitted to being involved in sexual sin in the past year; and 20% of the church-going female participants struggle with looking at pornography on an ongoing basis. From the results of a ChristiaNet poll reported by Marketwire.com
- April 6, 2007: 70% of Christians admitted to struggling with porn in their daily lives. From a non-scientific poll taken by XXXChurch, as reported by CNN.
- March 20, 2007: At a men’s summit in Oregon before 2,000 men, Shelley Lubben of Shelley Lubben ministries challenged those who were struggling with porn addiction to stand. 30% rose to their feet. She immediately challenged them a second time, with the final result of some 70% standing.
These are just some of the statistics. Perhaps if we actually talked about sex then maybe we could do something about these stats, as one post said “Everyone is talking about sex– except people in most churches.” Maybe the time and the place is in a mens group or the women’s ministry meeting, but at the moment we are not taking advantage of these opportunities, creating relationships and thus openness, followed by accountability.
”According to experts, a sexless relationship is one in which the frequency of sex has dwindled to 10 times or less in a year. Statistics suggest that more than 15-20 percent of couples in America come under this category. That’s one fourth of American couples and includes religious couples! (The Christian Post)”. I don’t know about you but this leaves me questioning how many couples actually sort this out or just let it go, too embarrassed to do anything about it (reminds me of something I read today in the Mx). It also leaves me questioning if this is a contributing factor to why so many are turning to pornography. I guess there is also another side to it, there is likely many who turn to the internet initially as a guide of what is expect of them, is it fair to leave people that much in the dark that they turn that way? One of the things they are exposed to there is porn, which gives a very false representation of what wholesome sex should be like. In my opinion the majority of this should happen within the family, Mums and Dads should take the time to build and maintain the kind of relationships with their kids that they can talk openly. Parents have ‘been there done that’, it starts then, if you can talk openly with your parents about sex then it is going to be easier to talk about it with your partner, one writer says that communication is the number one issue that keeps couples form having an intimate sexual relationship.
So, it may be seen as unchristian or immoral to talk about sex in any form openly, but sex was given to us before society got a hold of it, Genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth…”,. Ephesians 5:31 says ”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”, sex is what makes you ‘one flesh’. You are sharing something that, if done how God intended, you are only sharing with one person. Our God is an intimate God and he created us to also desire intimacy – with him but also our life partner. Sex is ultimately the most intimate act we can do with our partners. ”…it is an almost impossible unsustainable task to “go without” intimacy simply by sheer fact that God made us this way. Intimacy comes from God. The devil perverts it outside of marriage, but intimacy and sex still comes from God’s design for our marriages.” is how one article puts it.
Since society took hold of sex, its everywhere, TV’s, movies, fashion, songs and advertising; it is misrepresented as something you do with whoever you like and don’t save it for just your spouse. But why does all of this mean that we as Christians can’t talk about and enjoy sex? Why don’t we actually take it back and show what it’s really meant to be like? Just because of your beliefs doesn’t mean that you can’t fully experience sex, it doesn’t mean that it’s what you do on your wedding night and when its time to have kids. In other words its not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I love the way this blogger puts it, “… if you turn that around and look at sex as the gift God created just for you and your hubby. If you acknowledge that God created sex, not only for procreation of children, but also for a connection, physically, emotionally and spiritually like no other. ”
As christians we are meant to be in the world but not of the world (Romans 12:2), so I see it like this, we can be in this world and not of this world and still openly talk about and enjoy sex. In our attempts to not be of the world we are removing ourselves from it, but its not really helping when it comes to intimacy. In our attempts to not be like the world are we just cutting ourselves short of what God really intended sex to be like for us? In my opinion some of the things that society has corrupted, are ok in the confines of a marriage, but in our attempts to not be of the world we steer clear of them. Is there anything wrong with a wife wearing a lower cut top around her husband? Would it be seen as unchristian and immoral for a wife to strip for her husband? Is there anything wrong with having a bit of fun, rather than just doing it? As one article put it “What’s wrong with married couples having hot and holy sex?” Don’t get me wrong there is a line, I don’t ever think that porn or a third person should ever enter into this, here two posts written by another blogger (One & two) that I really like.
We know after everything that God created he turned around and “…saw that it was good…”, from my understanding he created man, he create woman, he created marriage, he created intimacy and he created sex and “…he saw that it was good…”.
“For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, “This is me. I’m not proud of it — in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it — but this is who I am.”" - Bill Hybels
- One Flesh Marriage
- Married Without, Well, You Know – Intimacy
- ‘Sexperiment’ Pastor: Not Satisfying Spouse in Bed Is a Sin
- Sex and the Pulpit: How Should Churches Talk About Sex?
- Christians Reject Taboo on Hot Sex in Marriage
- How Should We Talk About Sex?
- 5 Bloggers 5 Questions: Intimacy In Marriage